The CSS 2015 Written Result That you Wish was Announced Last Week | Waqar Jappa

The momentous moment has arrived. No more wait. No more panic. A press conference has been called by the Federal Public Service Commission‘s Public Relations wing. Soon the screens of government and private news networks will be struck to the news stories from a key department of the federal government. The much awaited scoop will go on air in a flash. This is for the first time in the history of not less than forty five years of FPSC that such hype has been generated about the CSS result.

The candidates finally can take a sigh of solace if they could at all! They may also take three deep breaths to release tension. Some of the poor folks already have turned their mobile phones off as a precautionary measure to avoid bombardment of tacky questions from near and dear ones about the result. Now this is too much. Seriously.

Meanwhile, the heat at FPSC conference room can also be felt. A bald man in his late sixties wearing HSY black suite and Red Italian shoes enters the long entrance that leads to the conference room .He is the Hitman of FPSC. He is the Chairman. He starts walking towards the dais where the media guys have assembled. On reaching the dais, our hero is warmly welcomed by the journalists. He unfolds the bundle of some white a 4 size sheets that he had held in his right hand firmly. He mounts his Armani golden framed goggles on his weak but cunning eyes, showcases his Titan watch while setting his red tie knot with the left hand and poses for the photographers. Finally, he makes his ears stand up and utters,

“Gentlemen! It’s indeed a matter of great privilege and honor for me to announce that finally, FPSC has decided not to keep the aspirants tails on fire any more. Six months is a long time. The candidates have suffered and suffered hard. The intention was never so. It was only due to some unavoidable circumstances that it took longer time to announce the written result than the scheduled date. We are sorry for that. I would like to take this opportunity to clear that what really caused delay in results.

Actually, some of the papers went misplace. Later on, it was discovered that they were stolen by a pet dog, kept for security purpose. However, the dog had some other plans, obviously, not noble. He had a great crush on a Russian bitch next door. The dog was so bamboozled by her beauty that he decided to send her a love letter. So, to impress that gorgeous bitch what else could have been a better option than to write her a love letter in English?

But only trouble was that this dog of ours was a Pakistani, like half of the illiterate population, the poor creature too was illiterate. That’s why he went for a shortcut. What a mean dog! And what else could have served his purpose well than papers attempted in English? Probably, it made him steal the papers, breaching the trust of his master. That’s why, perhaps, it is said that love is blind and everything is fair in love and war.

Above all, the misfortune did not end here. The situation became more complicated when the bitch refused to return the letters (papers). Making the long story short, it was only after much negotiation, compromises and strenuous efforts that our paper checker along with other think tanks of the Commission succeeded in recovering the papers back. Similarly, there were some other “genuine reasons” of the same kind that caused delay in written results.

Anyway, without increasing your anxiety further, let me announce the result. Some 12,000 candidates appeared in 2015 CSS examination conducted in the month of February. Only 375 students in all have passed the written part of the examination. Of them, 175 are female candidates. The successful candidates will be able to see their names in black and white on our web site within a couple of hours. The IT wing of the FPSC already has been ordered to upload the result. However, the Detailed Mark Sheets (DMCs) of the unsuccessful candidates will be made available after a week or so.”

The chairman had hardly started to answer the question about the interview schedule and number of seats posed by one of the journalists when I was kicked on my back hard by my roommate. I got up rubbing my eyes. They were talking about the rumor factory that is in full swing via SMSs on cell phones and back-to-back posts on CSS Forum about the much awaited CSS 2015 result!

Note: This is a work of satire


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